Sofa Head believed
that his head was full of hair,
Not like a hamster,
more like arm-chair.

His father said to Sofa Head,
"The sharks of mechanical time
are biting each soft second
as they filter through your mind"

His mother said, to Sofa Head,
"Why do you wear your hair so long?"
And Sofa Head said,
"Kick out the jams, mother!"

And they had marmalade and kicked the pantry out into the street and lived happily ever after. I think that silence is appropriate, and it shall remain appropriate.

His father said to Sofa Head,
"My son, I give to thee
the total of my lifetime's work,
an alcoholic legacy."

"The ballpoint blue of old tattoos,
the shrieks of a drunken whore,
the wine-red stains of open veins,
a squib on the lavatory floor."

And Sofa Head believed
that his head was full of hair,
Not like a hamster, more like arm-chair.
And sofa head was sure
He could pull out more and more and more and more and more and more and more and

1. Tomato paste is not exactly glue that you can eat.
1a. However, it is interesting to note that small children often eat paste anyway - the non-tomato kind.
2. I was wondering the other day if Peter Cetera (like a motherfucker) is any relation to Et Cetera, as I had written "CETERA!" on my cigarette lighter to distinguish it from others'. Note to self: Ed Cetera is great name for a character in novel.
3. "Is cake one of the four food groups?" I asked. "No, but dick is three of them." "I have mixed feelings about this," I responded. "The last group is pie," I was told. "Fuck yeah."

I know, I know, I hardly ever post anything anymore. But I just got struck by a bolt of inspiration and made these three neat little pictures:





and



I dunno, whatever.

As I was leaving James's last night I was walking by a car full of girls, all speaking Spanish. As I passed, one of them called out to me, "Hayy!" to which I replied "Hey baby!" She giggled, and the car immediately rear-ended the car behind it. "Careful!" I said, "Es muy peligroso!" More giggling, and then I heard, "You're looking hot tonight!" to which I replied, "You too, baby!" as I kept walking.

Sometimes I'm just too smooth for my own good.

Right, so, if you're Indiana people, you probably know that Miki Purcell died. For those who don't know her, or don't know how I know her, we, eh, dated, back in high school. I'm not going to lie, I had a pretty low opinion of her, was known to make offhand comments when her name was mentioned, and yes, even wrote a less-than-respectful song about her (it was a damn good song, however.) Anyway, on Sunday, Nugget told me that Kim told him that she had heard that Miki (or Jackie, as some people know her) had died, but she wasn't sure, etc.

It's weird, since just a few weeks ago I'd stumbled onto her myspace by accident and mocked it mercilessly (to be fair, she has a picture of her with Staind on it - come on, that's just setting oneself up.) Yesterday's Courier-Journal carried the obituary, so, you know, it really happened, and I really don't know how I should feel about it. For a brief moment this person was an important part of my life, but since the day we broke up, I had only seen her twice (once at Twice Told, of all places, and once in her car behind me at a red light) and hadn't spoken to her in almost seven years now. It's definitely sad, and I really feel for her family, who I remember lost a son (one of her brothers) about ten(?) years ago.

Last night at the bar, I asked Christy about it, since she mentioned a while back that she had hung out with her recently, but Christy didn't know, so I ended up breaking the news to her and her friend whose name I never can remember.

Yesterday, though, I mentioned it to my mom, who - get this - has little to no recollection of the girl at all. "You almost never bring girls around here," she said. "Mom," I told her, "You met her at least twice, and I took her to senior prom. Redhead, taller than me?" "Oh my god!" she said. Apparently my brother's baby's momma is friends with one of her best friends, (my mom didn't put this together until just then,) so I know a little bit more about it, but still just a tiny bit.

Apparently, she didn't show up to work on Saturday morning, so her parents went up to her room and found her in bed, gone. There's supposed be an autopsy, as they have no idea what could have caused it.

Also, according to her obituary in the Evening News, she was a law student at UofL. Who'da thunk that, eh? Weird.

Here I am sitting at school looking at funny pictures of cats on the internet, (OH YES SHOW THAT OTHER CAT YOUR POKEYMANS THAT IS FUNNY!!!!) when Amelia's roommate walks by (you know, the one whose name I don't know and who is taller than me and therefore frightens me ) and waves hello to me. I do not want anybody to know that I do not have anything more important to do than look at pictures of cats on the internet (OH YES LONGCAT YOU ARE INDEED LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG) so I tried to hide my face behind other various parts of my body, to no avail. "Hi," she said, at which point I pulled my legs from over top of my head and returned to my proper right-side-up position in the chair and responded "Uh," and trying to hide the computer screen (OH MY WORD THAT IS NOT A CRAZY CAT THAT IS KRAZY KAT THE COMIC STRIP HEROINE BEING HIT WITH A BRICK).().

"Buh!" she responded, "We're having a show at our apartment on Friday." I remembered Amelia putting up one of them myspace bulletins with links to each band's myspace which I checked out in order to more knowledgably mock them. "OH YES" I said "One of them is a Christian rock band!" I smiled because there is an unwritten rule that says if you are a Christian Rock Band then you are inherenly horrible and should die. (Remember: Bob Dylan was at his shittiest when he was a Christian for a few weeks).

"Oh, you read their About Me?" She said. "Well, he's not that bad he is actually a very good friend of mine do not hold that against him."

"Too bad!" I said, "I am going to hold that against him!" and then turned back to my computer to keep looking at pictures (OH YES U R IN MY GUTTER BLOCKIN MAH DRAINAGE!!!!!!)

From: "J. Roshi" <choppadoo@gmail.com>
Date: February 28, 2007 10:03:18 PM EST
To: leo@leoweekly.com
Subject: This week's crossword


I don't wanna pick nits, but somebody's got to take better care with
your crossword puzzle. This week, the clues were all garbled (as they
sometimes are.) I can get by without seeing the quotation marks
around clues such as 95-across ("See ya,") but it took me hours to
figure out what the hell 104 across was looking for - "H gen-___" is
just complete gibberish without the a-umlaut in there to make one
realize they're looking for an ice cream instead of some obscure DNA
code of some sort. My head still hurts.


--
"I seek the ninth level of power. And perhaps an inexpensive hairbrush."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Buddy Schneider <buddy@leoweekly.com> to me, SHavens, Cary
show details 11:06 am (4 hours ago)

Hi, my name is Buddy and I work in the production department at LEO.


First of all I REALLY want to apologize for the problems with the New York Times crossword puzzle clues.
Secondly, I REALLY want to thank you for bringing it to our attention! Believe it or not, nobody in the office here at LEO plays the crossword, and we honestly had no idea that punctuation was being garbled.


I'll try to explain why ...
The technical reason for the problem is one of computer translation. Last year LEO switched to a new computer layout program, and the New York Times sends us the crossword puzzle every week in an older format. Our new computer program could open the puzzles just fine, and since we have gone for about a year without complaint, we assumed everything was working fine.


Apparently what has happened — unknown to us — is that punctuation marks were not making the translation from the older format NYT puzzle into our newer system. Now I personally check every week to make sure that we have the correct grid and the correct answer graphic, as well as make sure that all of the clues are on the page and none are cut off. But the punctuation issue remained unnoticed because the crossword clues typically do not have punctuation, not even periods. And since none of us here actually play the puzzle, nobody was studying the clues close enough to realize that there are special cases where special punctuation is required.
I know it's a lame excuse, but it's honestly what happened!


I have communicated with the New York Times department that sends us the puzzle, and I believe I now have a solution for this embarrassing problem.


Thank you again, and hopefully the only headaches you have from now on come from the actual "correctly punctuated" clues.


--buddy
LEO Production

I forgot how to imbed youtube videos so eff it, here's a link:

ROBOCAT

And also this:

Man, my kick-ass thermal henley has a big hole in the seam on my right elbow. That is totally not cool at all. I blame Don Henley and his shitty merchandise.